Monday, September 14, 2015
What if ...?
Have you ever wondered how your life would be different if a significant event in your past had gone differently, or not occurred at all? What about an important decision that you or someone in your life made? What if you, or they, had chosen to act differently in that situation? How would that have changed the course of your life? How might that one change have affected the series of events in your life that followed? What other changes would have occurred as a result of this change? What if you had never met that certain someone? What if your team hadn't lost (or won) that big game? What if you hadn't moved to that new town or school (or had)? If you have asked yourself similar questions, then you have engaged in counterfactual thinking. Read this article and then respond in a comment below. What is your most significant "What if . . ." moment? (Note: Please type your comment in Google Docs first and check it for errors before posting to the blog. It should be at least one page long in Google Docs. If it is too personal and you'd rather not post it on the blog, then share it with me via Google Docs).
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My biggest “What if?” is, what if Austin had died when he was a baby? He was a very sick baby and was in the hospital for the beginning of his life. So what if he would’ve passed? it would’ve been just me and Nate. My life would be so different. I would probably be the middle child, or maybe not. Would I have even been born? Could my parents take another chance after what had happened? I have honestly never thought of this question until now. And honestly, I’m glad. It’s hard to think about. Losing one of the most important guys in my life? I mean obviously I wouldn't know if it did happen but since I know him, I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s been one of my best friends practically my whole life. But if i could even picture it, I’d either be a middle child with a younger sibling. Not knowing half the stuff I do. I wouldn't have much of anyone to go to with all of my stupid questions. So I would keep to myself a lot. My life definitely wouldn't be as fun because he encourages me to get out and try new stuff. So i’d be alone a big chunk of the time. But on the other hand, I would be more okay with overprotectiveness, not that it was just austin’s fault. It was Nates as well but I would’ve only had one brother up my butt so I would be more okay with friends or boyfriends being a tad bit protective. And I would be able to handle myself in uncomfortable positions. Austin has always been there to step in when needed, but if he wasn't i’d be able to stop anything myself and not be too weirded out to say anything. So what if Austin died as a baby? My life would so different.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest moment in my life would probably be when my parents decided to get a divorce. This changed my life in a lot of different ways, some for the better and others for the worst. Every now and then I think “what if” they hadn’t, and how my life would be different. First off, I would not be half of the person I am today. I would have never met my step parents, or had three siblings that I have now. I would never have met Oshen, my step sister, or Anna and Mya, my younger half sisters. That alone, I couldn’t imagine; they’re my world. Without all of the siblings, I also probably would have less of a desire to be a nurse because I wouldn’t be as caring or responsible, all traits that I learned from being an older sister to so many kids. Without meeting my stepmom I would have never become as involved in sports and extracurriculars that I am today, because she was such an inspiration to me in that way. My step dad has always been there for me, especially when my dad had moments that he wasn’t, and for that I am beyond grateful. He has helped me through many things, and always been a great guy for my brother to look up to and I respect that. Without going through the divorce as a whole, I would never have become as independent, which would have led to a whole different path for myself. There are so many various things that would have been different in my life; I would be a much less driven person, missed out on many opportunities brought by all of my parents, and sisters. My future would look much different as well, and I cannot even imagine which career I would be looking into. Overall I guess I can say I am grateful for the divorce in a weird way.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” moment would probably be when my best friend passed away when we were in the fifth grade. I think about him a lot, what he would be like as a teenager, what sports he would play, who he would be friends with. I think about if he would be proud of the things I’ve accomplished or if he would be disappointed in some of the things I’ve done. I wonder whether or not we would still be as close as we were when we were little. I think of his parents, how different their lives would be if he were still here today. I wonder about how different everyone's lives’ that he touched would be different if he hadn’t passed away. I think about all of things that we could have done together, all of the memories we could have made by now, all of the fun times we would have had. I think about all of the memories I’ve made and all of the important events that have happened in my life, that he should have been there for, and I wish more than anything that he could have been there. I constantly think about how much easier things would be if I still had him to listen to me, give me advice, be that one person that knew me better than I know myself. I wonder about how different I would be if he were still here. I wonder if I wouldn’t always feel like I have this void that always needs to be filled. His absence in my life has changed many, many things, as I’m sure it changed a lot for others as well. I wonder about what could have been all the time, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and wish he were here to experience everything I do. But sometimes thinking about all of the what ifs isn’t the best thing to think about. I like to think about all of the memories we had together and all of the good times that I will hold with me for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteI think my biggest “what if” moment is probably when my mom died. I always play back that day in my head. I remember the last thing I said to her, I remember what she wore, what she smelled like, how she hugged me. I honestly can’t even imagine how different my life would be right now if she didn’t. Would I have watched her suffer from the cancer or survive it? Would I ever have met Chrissy? It’s so hard to think about. I would probably be a totally different person. I wonder how my family would be different; what would happen with us when my grandma passed? Not only that, but her passing obviously didn’t just affect me. What would happen with my brothers? My dad? It’s a really mind boggling thought, honestly. So many things would be different right now if she hadn’t passed. I would’ve never found my real passion. I would’ve never met my stepmom. I would’ve never adopted my dog. How would I learn compassion? I wouldn’t be able to empathize with people or help them through their struggles. Would I have become buddhist? Therapy would have never happened, sports may have never happened, the same friendships may have never been made. I mean, I know obviously it was an awful thing that she passed, but in my eyes, everything happens for a reason. She was suffering and now she’s in a better place. I’ve learned from it and am a stronger person because of it. I’m able to use this experience to help others who’ve been or are going through the same thing. I was able to find my higher power by opening myself up and sharing that experience. And honestly, my life is pretty good right now. I know my mom would be proud of me and everything I’ve done, and everyday I wish she was here to help me through. But, what if she didn’t die? Would I still be where I am today? These questions are questions I don’t know the answer to. So, for now, ’ll just stick with “what if”.
ReplyDeleteAs said in the article everyone experiences what if moments during their life. My biggest one that I always think about is my mother’s miscarriage over 30 years ago. It would have been my older brother. But, after that a few years later she did have my older sister Alyssa. When i’m deep in thought I wonder if I would even exist right now if she had already had my brother and sister. I don’t know if she would want three kids or just two. Which would dramatically affect my life because I wouldn’t even exist. Also, a bad memory that I have is shoplifting once in 5th grade with an old friend in the Rutland mall. It was just perfume from the dollar store, but right after I did it I contradicted myself and started putting stuff back on the shelves in a different store. Even though I was trying to turn around my bad decision, I still got caught and was banned from the mall for a year. What if I just kept the perfume, would I still have gotten caught? Or if I stuck with my gut and told my friend it was a bad idea from the beginning. What if I had never moved to Fair Haven six years ago. I would have never met my best friend, Briley. I wouldn’t be in this class with Mr.Bruce at the moment, and I wouldn’t have met some of the most influential people in my life. If I hadn’t moved to Fair Haven, I probably wouldn’t have started playing field hockey, or softball. I wouldn’t have ever gotten the feeling of winning or losing with a team, but knowing you put everything into the game. Missing all these chances that have made me the person I am today, that I continue to build on. What if I had never made the decision to be my true self no matter what? I am proud of the work and dedication I have put into be where I am today. I’ve turned out pretty good from my experiences.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” moment was my bike accident. What if that never happened? Would my self confidence be higher? Would I smile more? Would I have a nice smile? These are questions I ask myself every day. I have been going through so much work on my teeth since fourth grade, and I still have so much more to go through. This has affected my life both negatively and positively. I used to be picked on, I never smiled, and I was very insecure. Today, I am still insecure about my smile because all that I’ve been through. This also has taught me how to appreciate things more, because you never know when something bad like that can happen. It was and still is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve been through a lot with this experience and I wish I could take it all back, but part of me is glad it happened. It was a life changing experience, and it also helped me find a better part in a negative situation. With all of what I have going on, at least at the end I’ll have a nice smile. Another “what if” moment I have is what if I wasn’t an only child? Would I get along with my sibling? Would it just be my mom, my sibling, and me, or would my dad still be with us? Would it be easier at home, or harder? Would my sibling be like me? I don’t know what it’s like with any one else in the house other than my mom, so would it be weird to be living with another person? I have many “what if” questions, but these are the two that I wonder about the most.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “What if” question would be: What if I was born an only child? My life today would be so much different if I never had a sister. Would it be better or worse? Is it fair to make a distinction? I’m beginning to get an idea of what it’s like to be an only child because my sister recently went away to college. It feels different without her here. I can’t imagine how things would be different if she hadn’t ever been here at all. I’ve learned so much from her and have followed in her footsteps on so many things, I wonder if I would even be the same person. Would is still live where I live now? My parents could have picked out a smaller house in a different area knowing they would have only one child. I could be at a different school or state. I would have no idea that this assignment even existed! How would that have affected the lives of others? If I was never around here, would other people’s lives be different for not knowing me. I’d like to think yes. I’d like to think that I’m a big enough part of someone’s life that something drastic would be different without me. But I digress, if I was an only child things would be very different. I certainly would not know what I know today or even be the same person. All the influences that were put into motion by my sister’s birth and formed me into who I am today would cease to exist along with her. It would be different than simply having more attention or a bigger room. My very personality and the personality of others could be drastically affected based on one simple change in the past. It does beg the question however: How different?
ReplyDeleteOne of the biggest “what if” moments has to do with the passing of my grandmother. She had a long hard struggle with breast cancer for over 17 years. What if she never lost her battle? I don't think that I would be the person I am today. Our family became closer that year more than we had ever been before. I don’t think that would have happened unless we all had to go through something traumatic like that. One of the things she taught me was even in tough situations or times that hurt, you can and will get through it. She was always in pain, but somehow she never showed it. I would watch her and see how happy she acted when really she was in pain. But somehow when she couldn’t go anymore or the doctors told her that it was over, she didn’t listen. She showed me how to be strong and when someone tells you that you can't do something, you push your hardest to prove them wrong. I push myself in a lot of things because I know she would want me to do nothing but my absolute best. When she was in the hospital, I wish I had gone to see her more because I wonder if I would feel different today about things. Less guilty. I think that if I didn't go through something like that, then I would have a different perspective on different things. She was my most influential person in my life that had a great impact on me more than anyone else. I wonder if she was still here, if we would have the same relationship we had. My grandfather wouldn’t have gone on his month long trips and I certainly wouldn't be the person I am today.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” moment would be when our family came over to the U.S to be near my grandmother. She had been visiting Vermont to be with her friend, and within those two weeks someone she met had proposed to her, and she said yes. It’s sounds straight out of a romance movie, but that is the story. If my grandmother hadn’t done that, then I would still be in the Philippines most likely living a different life. My parents tell me about their stories in highschool and college and to me it just sounds so interesting because some of them would be very rare to happen in a high school. The customs of school back in the Philippines are extremely different from here, such as there are more private schools than public, most of them holding pre schoolers to maybe senior year of college. I also think I would be more fluent in the dialect I hear at home, since if I lived there then it wouldn’t just be used at my house. I really think that would be a great life, but at the same time I wouldn’t have met some wonderful people here that I socialize with everyday. It’s not just about people I’ve met, but I think it would also change the choices I have made in my past if I lived on the other side of the world. For example, maybe I wouldn’t have found out that I am good at acting and singing. I might have joined a sport, or a different club of sorts. I feel like I would have different outlooks on the world and I would think much differently than I do now. The environment changes everything in upbringing. This wouldn’t just change me, but my whole family. If we stayed, then my sister, mother, and father might be different in all the ways I had listed above. One simple or maybe huge decision can could change everything in our lives.
ReplyDeleteThere were many moments in my life where I have asked the “What If” question. Most of these occasions I don’t think would have much of an impact, but there is one that I think would have a very great impact on my life as it is now. When I was in seventh grade, I had a friend in school who was into theatre a little bit and had told me that I should try out for this play that was happening in Rutland. A musical actually called “Grease.” My perspective on plays at the time were rather poor since all the school plays I had seen were pretty sad looking. It was definitely something that I would have to think about because I also had a little stage fright. I talked to my parents that night and they suggested to at least audition and if I got in then great, but if not then that was good too. The worst thing that could happen was that they would say no. So, on the audition day we went to Rutland and auditioned in front of several people. We danced, sang, and read scenes from the play which got me into a nervous wreck. After the audition was over the director pulled me aside and said that he would like to offer a small speaking role in the show. I, of course, agreed to it and the rest is history. Since then I’ve been in lots of other shows and have gotten over my silly fear of stage fright. I always thought, what if I had said no to the audition? I certainly would have not met half the people I have and definitely not have been able to pursue the opportunities that I have done through this. I think if I had said no then I would have been a completely different person than I am today, and that's a scary thought.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “What if..” would be if I didn’t have food or shelter? That's the biggest “what if” for me because if I didn’t have any of this, I wouldn’t be able to survive or have all the awesome people I have in my life. It kind of makes me just think how lucky I am for being alive. Then it comes to, what if I didn’t move to Castleton when I was in about 5th grade? I was so happy with how much of a great change it really was for me. I am very glad that I moved to Castleton, because I met so many great people. Even though there was a lot of stuff happening at that time in my life, I still really can’t imagine where I would be now if I didn’t move. I also wonder many other things like what if my parents didn’t get a divorce? What if I didn’t have my wonderful stepdad who I am so happy to have? What if I didn’t have my dog, Serriah who I was around all the time when I was a little girl? She would always pull me in the sled in the winter, and lick my face when I see her (She still does now). What if I didn’t have my 2 little brothers? What if I didn’t have my family? Or pretty much anything in my life. It’s crazy to think about, and I am so glad I have came to the point where I am really thinking about “what ifs”. I'm so very thankful for what I have, like meeting my new friends, Jordan and his wonderful family, and my family too. I do love what I have, and proud to say that I can’t imagine not having these amazing people in my life. They really complete me, for who I am today.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” in life is what if we never found out about the genetic disease that runs on my dad’s side of the family. Would I be sick right now and not know why? Would I have lost more people in my family than I already have? What makes it an even realer “what if” for me is that it was kind of freak thing that doctors even tested my uncle for this because it’s considered a rare disease that doesn’t affect many people. I have never really thought about this too much for obvious reasons because it’s something that's pretty scary to think about . What I have thought about a lot is what if my family know about this earlier or if it didn’t exist at all , would my aunts have been a big part of my life? Would my dad still be affected? Would he not suffer from headaches at all? Would I not be as appreciative of thing? I was lucky that when they did find out and we were all tested I was eight, doctors were able to remove all the cancer but for like my dad and uncle they weren’t able to remove it all because they had lived with it longer and are still affected .knowing this I appreciate that i’m able to do the things I love due to being healthy because I know that there are some people who are not as lucky. Having all this happened at a young age has definitely shaped me into the person I am today. I definitely appreciate my family and friends who I love because I know how fast things can change in an instant. I don’t know if I would be a completely different person had not gone through this at all but it definitely impacted the way I look at things.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if…” in my life would have to be when my grandmother died last year. What if cancer didn’t exist? What if she was never diagnosed with ovarian cancer? What if ovaries didn’t exist? Thinking really deep into this makes me wonder; would my life have changed greatly? Would my life be different? Would my grandma still be teaching music and inspiring people around our community? She always had a wonderful soul. She would spread so much love around to others. I wonder if I would be more kind like she was is she was still here? Would I be a stronger person with her by my side or would I have still gone through depression stages when the roads got rough? Would Christmas last year still be the same if she passed away earlier in the year? She tried to make it through Christmas but didn’t. She was the strongest woman I ever had in my life. It’s safe to say she did change my life and who I am today. What if she was never my grandmother? What if I never met her? Would I still be who I am today without ever knowing her? -Jo Hanna Morse
ReplyDeleteBefore I transferred to Fair Haven I lived in upstate New York for a little over a year with my mom. I often think, What if I was still living there? I know that I wouldn't be who I am today.If I still lived there I would probably still be a sophomore. I wonder what kind of mental state I would be in, if I would have finally given in and admitted that country music is okay? I had a lot of fun ( With lots of bad times in between) while I lived there. For the most part I was out with friends and never home, when I was it wasn't pretty. If I had stayed there I think I would be in some sort of trouble.I wouldn't be very happy and very meanish. Maybe I would be closer with my Mother and not as close with my Father? If I didn't move back to Vermont I wouldn't know my stepmom as well as I do. I probably wouldn't have good grades or a job. I wouldn't be as independent as I am now. I would never have volunteered at the hospital in Rutland and met tons of amazing people. What if I still lived in New York is a little broad so sometimes I ask myself about smaller things that happened. What if I had never ditched that class in school, what if I finished my shakespearean monologue and won the performance, what if I said yes to that guy and no to the other? What if I still had my horse and ferret and kitten? I also wonder about my Mother and her husband often. What if they still lived in NY? Maybe they wouldn't be together and I'd still be living there. My times there were not the best, but enjoyable enough. If I had stayed I would never have done anything with my life. I would never change the experience for anything though because what I've learned from it makes (a part) of me who I am.
ReplyDeleteA question I asked myself years ago as I was hiking to my favorite hideout at my grandparents’ house was, what if I had been raised by a different family. Since then, that question has stuck in the back of my mind. Would I be the same person I am today? Would I still live in Vermont, or even the United States? Would I live in a city in an apartment, or on the countryside in a big house? Would I have a brother or any pets? Back then I was always glad I was raised by the family I have, and I still feel that way now. I’ve had so many different experiences, some good and some bad, that have made me who I am today. If I hadn’t been raised by my family, I wouldn’t have had that secret hideout where my grandparents lived or been able to go on adventures through the woods behind their house. I wouldn’t have gotten to spend every spring trudging through melting snow tapping trees for sap to make maple syrup, or spend every fall picking apples and making apple cider. If I had grown up somewhere else, I also wouldn’t have the amazing friends I have now, who I couldn’t imagine living without. If I was raised by another family, though, would my parents be divorced? Would I have had to go through the trauma of the attack that lead to the divorce? Sometimes I wish I could forget about those agonizing months, but I also believe I would be a completely different person if none of that had happened. I’m happy to say I was raised by the family I have, who have given me the opportunity to experience so much and help me become the person I am today.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I think of when i’m thinking of “what if” is if my grandma had not had my dad when she was 16. My grandpa was an older Junior, and my grandma was a sophomore, and my father was born when they were both in high school. It was a huge change in both of their lives, but I bet if I asked them now they would both say they don’t regret a thing because now they have this big family with kids, grandkids, and now a new member of the family that is their great granddaughter. That brings me to my “what if” my grandma and grandpa did not have my dad at that young age. Would my grandparents even of had any kids at all? Would our family look the same it does now? Would we be living where we do? Would my grandparents even still be together right now if they didn’t have my dad that young? So many questions come to my mind with that big “what if” question. My biggest question would probably be would I even be here right now if my dad was not born when he was born? My grandma and grandpa are a huge part of my life, and the kids of the kids of the kids are the glue that’s kept this family together. What if that glue was not their. Where would my grandma be right now? where would my grandpa be right now? Would our whole family still be here just younger or would their be no family at all. All these questions are basically impossible to answer for sure, all people can do is make guesses and assumptions on where they would be and what’d they be doing. It is a question i’m sure has gone around other people's lives in our family, but I know for sure that now everyone is happy with the way things have worked out and happy we have the family we have, and even if that “what if” question pops up, no one is going to lose sleep or regret what has happened and how it has all happened.
ReplyDeleteWhat if? People I assume ask this a lot. I know I do. Would things be any different if my life was changed in the slightest way. For example what if I wasn’t a twin, or if I never moved from Akron? Would my life be drastically different, would my personality be any different? I moved to Vermont around age seven. But what if I stayed. Orwell and Fairlawn are very different. Everything I needed was close by, the schools, grocery stores, malls. It’s more urban than Vermont it. I’ve kept in contact with a few old friends of mine. I wonder if I stayed in Ohio would I be still be friends with them or would we drift apart? I do wonder a lot what would it be like to still be living in Ohio, in my old house. I miss that life. My house was nicer than my house now, the parks were beautiful, my friends lived closer. Everything was right there. I probably would go out more and do more activities. Here in orwell I have to drive a distance to get to things and friends.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived in Ohio, would I have to move to a different area? Would I be more happy or miserable back home? Another what if moment for me is what if Isaac wasn’t born? What if i wasn’t a twin? It was just me and my little brother Gaib. Would I be as close to Gaib as I am now? Isaac and I get along occasionally but Gaib and I are closer. How would I act if Isaac wasn’t around? I feel that Isaac and I balance each other out, like we need each other. He’s calm and more serious about things, while on the other hand I goof off and am more of the trouble child. Would I be more of a trouble child if he wasn’t here to let me know I should be careful of my choices, or would I be more calm, since I wouldn’t have anyone to piss off by my actions. Oh and another thing, what if I was never held back way back when. Would I act more mature? Would I be struggling in school? Would I feel the need to work hard like I do now? Would I have as many friends? These are the multiple questions I ask myself every day.
My biggest “what if” moment would be when one of my best friends had died in fifth grade. All I remember was being sick the two weeks right before he died and I never got a chance to see him one last time. All I think about is what would he be like if he were still here with us? Would he be proud of not just me but everyone from orwell and all we have accomplished? To this day I constantly think about him and what he would grow up to be and how different his parents life would be if he were still with us today. He was the one who could touch anyones heart and make someones day. I wonder about all the different memories we would have together if he was still here. I wonder what it would have been like to share all these wonderful experiences with him and how much he would have impacted my life. I was so hopefully everything I had heard that day was just a dream. There will always be a big place for him in my heart. My second biggest “what if” moments in my life would be what if I was never adopted? Would I still be living in vermont? Would I even still be the youngest in the family? From what I have heard I have 7 other siblings. But I have yet to know if they are younger or older. I had never really thought of this question a lot until today and I am glad I have. I believe my life would be completely different if I was not adopted and was still living in California. Would I even have the dance and cheer and basketball experience like I do here? Probably not. All I can think about now is would my parents be proud of what I have accomplished the past 16 years of my life? Out of all the moments I could have these are the two that I think about the most and how they would have impacted my life and how much my life would have changed.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “What If?” in life is, What if my parents never got a divorce? My whole entire life would have been so different then the way that it is now. Even though at the time I was mad and confused and wanted my parents back together, I look back and think to myself that it was probably the best thing to happen to me. It has brought so many amazing people into my life. If they didn’t get a divorce I would still be living in Benson. I wouldn’t have moved to Hubbardton or attended Castleton grade school or middle school and I wouldn't have met my best friends. I think I would be a completely different person right now if I grew up in Benson. I would be trying to fit in with a crowd that I don’t fit in with. Moving gave me a wider variety of people so that I could learn who I was and decide who I was going to be. When my parents broke up my mom started dating Tony. He is probably one of the people I look up to most in this world even though we fight all the time. He understands me better than anyone and he looks out for me like im his own child. If my mom and dad didn't divorce my mom wouldn’t have had my little brother, Anthony. He’s the best little brother I could’ve asked for and I can’t imagine my life without him. My dad’s ex-girlfriend was also a big part of my life. I got to have three extra siblings for about seven years of my life even though they broke up I still think of them as my brother’s and sister. My dad recently got married to an amazing women. If i ever just want to relax or go have fun I can just drive down the road to my dad’s house and we can watch sports or play a game or two of cards. I love how my parents are still the best of friends even though they had a rough divorce. It’s not like most break ups where the parents hate each other and I am proud of them for that. I honestly think that my life is better because of the divorce. It changed everything and I can’t imagine my life any other way.
ReplyDeleteIf you really think about it every choice you made in life impacted what happened and who you are today. Any single moment in your life were to change that could significantly impact whats going on today. Something as simple as going to school on the one day you decided to skip could change everything that is happening right now. My biggest "what if" moment is what if i wasn't interested in sports. Ever since i was a little kid sports have been so fun to me and whenever i had free time that's what i would want to be doing. When i have conversations with my friends sports are what we mostly talk about. Even my clothing is mostly sports. I would defiantly be a completely different person than i am today if i never liked sports. I don't know what i would do with all my free time if i never got into sports. All my favorite memories in my life has come from sports so i wonder what they would be if i never liked them. I probably wouldn't have the same friends that i have today. Would i still like the same music? Would my grades be different than they are right now? These are questions that i will never know the answer to. I also wonder "what if" my grandma didn't move from Arizona to Vermont. My grandma moved to Vermont when i was around 10 and has been a big part of my life growing up. I see her like one a week at least and i just wonder if she never moved here what it would be like and if i would be any different. I know every holiday would have felt really weird without her being there. But at the end of the day i know i wouldn't want to change how everything happened. I don't know where i would be today without sports but i know i don't would choose this over everything.
ReplyDeleteA question I often ask myself is, what if my dad had never died? My dad died of stage 4 melanoma when I was three years old. The doctors made a mistake and didn't catch the cancer in time. He didn't even know he was sick. My life would be completely different right now. I might not live in the same town, I would have different friends, have different interests. I would be a completely different person. Everything I do, I do for my dad. thinking about him pushes me to go farther than I thought I could. Would I have this motivation if he was still alive? What would I be doing? What would he be like? What would my family be like? Would he be proud of who I have become? This is all stuff that I am constantly wondering about. Although I will never know the answer to these questions. It blows my mind how one event could change so many people's lives, because I know that I was not the only one affected by this. I can’t even begin to imagine how different my life would be.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest "what if" moment is what if my mother hadn't noticed there was something wrong in her pregnancy with me and she hadn't gone to the emergency room? My mother was 28 weeks pregnant with me and she had a lot of pain in her back, like stabbing pain. She felt violently sick. The doctor's at Porter hospital had told her to go home earlier that day, so she did. But she knew that something really serious was going on so she made someone drive her to Fletcher Allen. Her blood pressure was over 200. Mom had a disorder called Pre-eclampsia, which is life threatening to the mother and the baby, because the mother's organs are shutting down. Basically my mom was dying and so was I. They did an emergency c-section. I was born at 1.7 lbs ( a stick of butter and a half) and stayed in the NICU for 3 months after birth because of my severe prematurity. If my mother hadn't ignored the doctor's orders to stay home, I most likely would not be alive, and my mom probably would've either died or come very short of it. I trust my mom's intuition a lot.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest what if moment is what if I had to North Carolina? Would I still be dancing? Would I like the school down there? Would I make friends fast? What would it be like for me? I almost moved down to North Carolina when my dad's job went on strike. I was going to stay in Vermont till sophomore year of high school was over. I was gonna stay up here with a friend till the summer so for 6 months. My parents and brothers were gonna head down in January. I was so nervous but so wanted to go. I did't wanna leave all my family and friends up here and I would miss everybody. But on the other hand I was excited for change and to see what it was like and try something new. And down there I would be closer to my grandparents. What would life be like now if I did move? What would I be doing now? Not writing this paper for psychology I can tell you that. I would miss everything up here but sometimes I wish I did move. For one it would be warmer and I was so ready for change. Would I be happy that I was down there or would I be missing everyone up here? I wish I had gone to feel the experience and now what would be going on if I did move. Would we have gotten Jango if I did move? Where would I be now and doing what if I moved down south this summer? So what would it be like if I moved? So what if I did move to North Carolina?
ReplyDeleteThe biggest “What If” moment in my life has to be thinking back to when my parents got divorced when I was really young, and then my father passing away a few years later. I always think back to it, because there is just days where I really wonder what if? My life changed forever, and I think it has been for the better so far, but how would I know? I think about what it would be like if they never got divorced, or if I went with my dad permanently. Where would I live? What would take place of the relationship I have with my half-siblings today? If I had gone with my dad permanently, what would it have been like if my mom had passed away, and I lost contact with her whole side of my family? It’s just amazing to think how extremely different my life would be if my parents hadn’t gotten a divorce, or if I had gone with my dad. I would be living in a different state, with different people, different family, and essentially every part of my life would be different. Would that mean that all of my experiences in life would be different? Who would I be? I think “What if” and basically every part of my life could or would be different, I can’t even begin to imagine it. Just thinking about my childhood and all of my memories with my family and siblings, especially with my sister Nicole. Just thinking about how her and my brother in law helped make me who I am today, and growing up without them, it’s just crazy. What if I basically never knew my mom, just like my dad? It’s almost scary to think about all of these things, and how this one (or two) event(s) in my life could have literally changed EVERYTHING.
ReplyDeleteEveryday it seems like I ask myself a “What If…?” question, but some of them are usually beyond my control. Like, what if I were a boy not a girl? Would I have the same friends or life? Or what if I was an only child? Clearly these questions are already decided for me, yet I still like to think about all the different outcomes that could have happened. My biggest “What If…?” question however would have to be about my great grandparents. What if they didn’t die before I was born? What if they lived to see who I am now? I have always heard tales about my great grandparents from both sides and saw photos. But I have always had a longing feeling to meet all of them in person, especially my great grandparents Fish and Book. I never had a chance to meet the Fish side, because I wasn’t born yet. But they must have been great people, especially if they have a “In memory of…” piece of slate dedicated to them in downtown Fair Haven. Though I didn’t know my great grandparents Fish, I have very vague memories of my great grandfather Book when I was about three. My sister Amanda has better memories of him, like when she went to the store with him and he bought her a giant penny. But I have a very poor memory and can hardly remember anything that has happened to me before I was four or five. Although I really didn’t know them, all these questions pop into my mind whenever my family talks about them or compares me to them. I often hear my mother and grandmother referencing my grandmother whenever I do something creative. I can almost hear my mom saying, “Doesn’t she remind you of Gram? She was creative with everything!” My Mom can recall all sorts of things about her grandparents that I almost always laugh at. Like when her grandmother Book liked to play punch buggy every car ride, and it wasn’t too much fun playing with her. Based on these experiences I feel like I missed out on something wonderful. I often wonder if it would drastically change my life if just one of my great grandparents was still with us. Would my life be the same as it is now? Or would I have an even better life than I have today?
ReplyDeleteMy biggest what if would have to be, what if my mom wasn’t as strong and determined as she is today? As you may not know my mom was very sick after I was born, She ended up having congestive heart failure, along with a few other thing due to the chemotherapy she had when she was in high school. She was in the hospital for around six weeks after I was born. She also had a massive heart attack last June due to having the chemotherapy as a teenager, She was in the hospital for five days this time. She was lucky to make it both times. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without my mom. Can you imagine what it would be like going through your whole life without your mom or knowing who your mom even is? She is one of the people that’s inspired me the most in my life. Without inspiration where would I be? I would probably end up nowhere in life without my mom. Whenever I’m down in life, she’s always there to try and help me pick up the pieces. When I’m on the diamond and need support because I just made and error, or got called out, she’s right on the stands cheering me on. She travels and spends endless amount of time, effort and money, just so I can do the thing I love the most, Softball. In fact I don’t even remember that last game she missed of mine. I’m so lucky to have such a loving and caring mom, not all people are fortunate enough to have that. My mom is my hero, therefore, I wouldn’t of gotten this far without her. This is why my biggest what if moment is if my mom wasn’t such a strong person and made it through everything she has. What’s your biggest what is moment?
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” moment is what if my dad was never sick. My dad died when I was 11 years old, he was sick for 8 years with cancer and other things. He was diagnosed when I was 3 years old so for the most part I can only remember having a sick dad. Him being sick limited a lot of things, he tried his best to play with me and my brother. He tried doing things and going places to help us not think about him being sick. I feel like my relationship with my brother would be better, and his and my mom’s would be better. I also think I would be a completely different person. I think that because I hear from time to time, “What would your father think?” There’s a lot of things he would not like, like me dyeing my hair since middle school. My mom is very easy going and not strict at all, my dad was way more strict which is why so much would be different. Like would I even have the same people I hang out with in my life? I would be able to remember his real voice -- all I can really remember is his sick voice since he smoked cigarettes. There is so many things that would be different if none of that happened. From small things like owning certain pets, he was not really a pet person, or being able to do more things with him to even bigger things like if we would even live in this house anymore or if my parents would still be married. The way my life is now if fine, I’m happy about the things I have done. I just know that if my dad was alive I would be a completely different person.
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ReplyDeleteMy biggest what if moment, is what if I never moved out of Whitehall? I had been attending Whitehall from Kindergarten all the way until my sophomore year. I had grown pretty comfortable. I had my group of friends, I was enrolled in various sports, after school clubs, I was part one of my class officers. Things we going very well for me. While I was content with how my highschool career was going, I knew that Whitehall was going downhill. Teachers were being fired for ridiculous things, the kids we becoming more and more nasty to each other. They had no respect for themselves or their peers. No school spirit, at all. When I moved to Fair Haven it was a big change. I was put into a much bigger graduating class, I didnt anyone but a few. The school itself is much bigger. Eventually I made more friends and got into the swing of things. I never knew how much school spirit a place could have until I enrolled in Fair Haven. It’s amazing actually. This school is much more diverse that Whitehall ever was or ever will be. While I love Fair Have and hve no intention of leaving, I often wonder, what if I had never left? I hear from my friends from Whitehall who I keep in contact with, how bad things have gotten. How they are ashamed to tell people that they will be or have graduated from Whitehall. Things never used to be that bad when I was there. I mean they weren’t great but they weren’t bad either. It’s amazing how much things can change in just as little as two years. I am pretty glad that I left Whitehall to say the least. Had I stayed, I don’t think I would be as happy as I am now.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest "What if" moment is what if we hadn't moved to Vermont from Boston? Where would I be? A charter school? Public school? Private school? Would I still be living in the big white house behind Melrose High school or would I have moved? Would I be any closer to my uncle Rob than I am now? It was a very big change for me moving up here. It is a lot quieter and a lot more boring than the city. There is always something to do and you're never bored down there. I often think what if my mom never moved to Vermont... I remember the first day I started second grade I had a best friend, her name was Alianna and I often wonder if we would still be my best friend if I still lived down there. I still stay in touch with her from time to time but we are not as close as we used to be that is for sure.
ReplyDeleteI really want to know where I would be today if my great great grandfather never came over from Poland. I was still alive when he was so I recently came over. I want to know what my life would be like if I was still in Poland, although I have never been there I want to know how things would be. My great great grandfather otherwise known as Po Dzia Dzia came over here to America because of WWII. I really want to know how things would be.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest what if for me is going to be about how my parents getting a divorce. What if they never got a divorce in the first place. Where would i be would i still be in the house that they were in with my dad or would i be in a completely different place than before. That would affect my life in a very large way because i would not end having my step brother seth and i may not have had my brother airon because my mom would never have had him. She had him from after the divorce of my father. I would not have those two other brothers, i would only have my one brother. I would not have ever known any of my friends here at fairhaven i would have gone to middlebury and would be so different in so many ways. I'm not sure how my life would have turned out. but if i was to guess i would say that it would have turned out worse because i love all of my brothers but it's nice to get a break from them and go to my dad's house and do what i want. I like jumping from a more strict household and then to one that is not so strict. I think that it keeps me sane because i would be pretty spoiled if i was always at my dad and i would be driven insane if i was always at my dads. having the back and forth of strict to not strict helps me stay in between and keeps me from making bad choices. If i was at my father's i would be free to go and be in the woods all the time. I would end up hunting and four wheeling all the time and not go and finish my homework.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest What If is probably, what if I had never moved to Vermont. Obviously I know how my life used to be, so I know what it would be like, but i’m interested in how I would be different as a person. I’ve learned a whole lot of new things in the year i’ve been here and i’ve been exposed to an entirely new atmosphere and culture where almost everything is done differently and I think it has changed my personality. I wonder how my goals in life would be different than they are today. What I would want to do after high school, or even during high school. What classes would I have taken in school, would they be the same ones, higher or lower level? Would I even have the same friends that I had before moving? Which college would I want to go to? What car would I want, or have? I also wonder not just if I hadn’t moved, but if I moved to a different place? I think about if it would have turned our similarly, if I would have made friends as easy, or maybe easier. Anyway, these things are what comes to mind for me the most when I think What If.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” moment would have to be what if my parents never split up. This has always been a big question for me because they ended up getting a divorce when i was 5. Now this hasn't been an easy road for me because this meant switching schools and having to make new friends. But if it didn't happen i would still be going to whitehall and i wouldn't have my two step brothers or my half brother and sister. But also i would've never gotten the good friends that i have now. But another major thing is that i wouldn't have ended up moving to fairhaven after 10 years though. But This has been a major thing to me because it has helped me overcome many obstacles in my life and meet a lot of people i'm proud to call my friends and family. But also this has made me the person i am so in a way i think it's a good thing that my parents split up because otherwise i wouldn't have had the experiences that i have had which i think might have changed as a overall person. So in a way this has changed me in a way that was for the better because it's what led me to do sports to distract myself from the things going on in my family. But i can remember that day as clear as day i got off the bus with my older sister Breauna but we both thought it was weird because our dad wasn't there then that was when my mom told us and i just went and locked myself in my room and didn't talk to anyone for the next two days. That was one thing that my mom thought was gonna be something that i would never get over but i managed to do it.
ReplyDeleteI believe we all have had moments where we wondered what if a major life event was different or never happened? What would our lives be like now? For me that moment could be many things. I have recently made the decision to go to college for art/art history. I’ve always wanted to go to college and it’s pretty much a requirement in my family. To me, deciding my major will affect the rest of my life. It will help me choose a college and hopefully eventually get me a job in that field. Ever since I was little I always had an interest in art, whenever people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always tell them I wanted to be an artist. I remember one day, when I was about seven, I was discussing my future plans with my older sister who said “Trust me, that’ll change” I’m not sure why that moment stuck in my head but it’s always been there. Perhaps part of me wanted to prove her wrong. I guess by the time I reached middle school and high school I had pretty much given up on the idea that it would ever be possible for me to pursue this career due to a voice in my mind that kept telling me that I’d never make it or get a job and that I wasn’t being practical. Nothing else seemed to interest me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do which seemed very intimidating among the sea of people who knew exactly what they wanted to do. I never really worked on my skills before the past year or so, but I have a passion for it and any other career choice pales in comparison to the thought of doing something I love everyday. This feels like such a good decision for me as it feels natural and I think that deep down I’ve known my whole life that this is what I was mean to do. So I guess my what if is really what if I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life? I would feel lost and scared because I wouldn’t have an idea of my future. It is in our nature to find the unknown terrifying and it is very comforting to have this certainty in my life.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” is if my parents hadn’t moved to Vermont. My mom and dad met in Maryland, at a volunteer program. My parents have both lived in many different states. What led them to Vermont is my mom got a job opportunity, working for the Nature Conservancy. My mom and dad weren't set on living anywhere, they were just trying to find steady jobs. So I ask myself what would happen if my mom hadn't gotten that job. I would still be me, but live in a completely different place. My life would be so different, I know that. But I wonder if me, as a person, would be different. Would my personality be the same? Would I still have the same interests? I wonder if I would still be a figure skater, or would I be interested in another sport, or maybe not like sports at all? Would I still have my little brother? Would I have more friends, less friends? Would I be more outgoing, or shy? More money, less money? I wonder how much of your living conditions and surrounding affect who you are as a person? If I had grew up in a city, or a rural area, what would have changed. I wonder all this a lot because I’ve always thought about how much I’d love to live somewhere else, like a city. But if I was born and raised in a city would I dream about living in the country? If my parents had decided to move to Massachusetts I would have grown up near my grandparents. I would have seen them all the time, instead of once every four months or so. If we had lived near them would that have affected my grandmother death, or my uncle's death? Is there any way us being there for them could have changed what happened. There are so many different scenarios, there’s no stop to all the things that would have been different. All this is something I have questioned for a while.
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DeleteI’ve had many “What If” moments and I’m sure that almost everyone had had at least one or two of those moments. Other people probably have like 100 of them every day. Ok I am exagerating problably less than that, anyway, I am one of those people. I have a lot of “what If” moments. What If I didnt talk to him? What if I never wore that dress? What if i went right instead of left?. I have many moments like that, but my biggest what If moment would be: What if my mom didnt die that night?. Would I be in Dominican Republic? Living with my mom, siter and step-dad? or would I come to the U.S a few years later? I dont know. My mom was a woman who suffered from Hyperthyroidism. It runs in my family. She never took her medication because we were more impotant to her, her own daughters. People were always telling her to take her medication but she never listened. was just twelve years old when she died.One night I found my mom throwing up she looked at me and then my mom told me “ I love you Jayra, remeber that and tell your sister that I love her too”.Those were the last words that she said to me. After that I wondered. What am I going to do? . Will I be able to live here?, her memory haunted me and i was starting to forget how she looked like. I started hating her why? why would she leave me in this world Once someone told me that I carry the same trait that killed my mom selflesness. So I changed everything about me, The clothes , my attitude, I became less and less forgiving and held up gudges for nothing, but then I remembered: I’m not my mother and never will be The life in Dominican Republic wasn’t that good, my family was falling apart, my grandma started hallucinating, my sister was hanging with the wrong crowd and my step dad married another woman in less than a year. One day my dad almost hit me with a broomstick, and there Irealized I couln’t be here anymore so I told my uncle, we made the arrangements and next thing I know I’m living in the U.S. So now I wonder What if my mom never died that night? What if she lived? Would I still be living here in Vermont? or Would I still be living in The Dominican Republic? Would I come to live in the U.S later in the years? Would I be as strongs as I am now cannot help but wonder “What If?”
ReplyDeletePersonally, I’ve had a lot of ‘what if’ moments. So many that it’s made my head spin with confusion. However, there is one ‘what if’ moment that has stuck out like a sore thumb to me. What if I never had all of those surgeries on my back? What if I was never born with Scoliosis? These questions run through my mind quite often and I still wonder what the true answers would actually be. Would I still be the same person I am today? Would I have the same high pain tolerance I’ve accumulated over the years or would I be weaker?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I’ve been through so much with my back, I don’t know if I’d want to change it. Sure, I’d be able to do some of the things I’m restricted from now, but would it be worth it? I wouldn’t have had the same lessons throughout my life. I would have been a completely different person. I wouldn’t be the same, loving and caring girl I am today. I wouldn’t have that positive outlook on life I have now. In order to appreciate the good times in life, you have to get through the bad times. How can you sincerely be as strong as you say you are if you haven’t been through something that wasn’t bad? The bad times make the good ones much more enjoyable. So, if I hadn’t been through my surgeries, I don’t think I’d be able to pinpoint the good ones and be able to savor them like I am now. I’m able to recognize the good times and appreciate them because of everything I’ve been through with my back surgeries and all of the traveling and stress that came with it.
What if I didn’t go through those surgeries? That thought rings through my head more often than I’m willing to admit. What if I didn’t have to travel to Boston to have things done? What if I didn’t have to spend those 5 weeks in a hospital when I was four? These are questions I constantly ask myself and I wonder if I would be different. Maybe I’d have something else happen in my life that would almost be an equivalent to my surgeries. Perhaps that experience would have equalled the same as my surgeries and I would be the same person. The possibility that my life would be completely normal and I’d just be a regular kid does enter my thoughts sometimes. I do wonder what it would be like to be normal and to be like everyone else. A question I’m always asking myself is, what would it be like to be a normal kid? Would it be as interesting and fun as I think it would be or is it boring? Everyone has different opinions, along with different approaches to this question, so I wouldn’t be given a solid answer with that, but I like to imagine it’s as great as it seems.
However, despite my ‘what if’ question constantly popping into my mind, I’m not sure I would change things and how they went. I wouldn’t be the same person I am today and my family wouldn’t be as close as we are now. We wouldn’t have had to go through the traumatic experience and we wouldn’t be as close we are now. We got closer because of the stressful time; we were all leaning on each for support and they were all there to lift me up when I got down during that time. Without this experience, we wouldn’t have the same connection we do now and we wouldn’t have that level of understand a loving family needs.
That ‘what if’ slips into my thoughts now and then and makes me wonder what would be different in my life if I hadn’t gone through those surgeries, but I don’t think I’d honestly want it any other way.
I find myself asking “what if” quite a lot. A recent what if that has been stuck in my mind for a while now, is what if my mom hadn’t had a miscarried pregnancy? Last year, we received news that my mom was pregnant. Being a teenager, I wasn’t thrilled at first. But I have five beautiful siblings already, that I am so blessed to have in my life, and I knew that my parents were excited, so I grew excited too. Then my mom began to experience abnormal pain, and when we got her to the hospital, they lost the heartbeat. Unnamed, sex unidentified, but we loved him/her no less. My mom was okay, however she can no longer have children. What if that baby had been born? I would have loved to watch that little person grow, and to get to know them, as would the rest of my family. However, the experience opened my eyes and showed me that bad things can happen, even to me. I always see the terrorist attacks and kidnapping incidents on the news and think to myself, “that will never happen to me.” But the truth is, bad things happen to everyone. Sure some things worse than others, but bad still the same. My family stuck together though, through the difficult times we had each other's backs. We understood what the other was going through. So, together, we pulled through and tried to remember that nature did what was best for that baby and for my mom. “Everything happens for a reason” is what my mom would say to keep us strong. And normally that's the way it goes, my mom keeping everyone else strong. But this year, she needed our help. Not only did she lose her baby, but she lost her dad a few months before that. Sometimes I wonder if they are together now, my grandpa and the baby… Although I don’t know if I believe in an afterlife, I know that both the baby and my grandfather were struggling so nature took care of them as it always does. But that concept isn’t so easy to grasp for a 7 year old. My little sister, Orianna, somehow knew that my mom was pregnant before she told any of us. My sister would hold her stomach and ask if there was a baby in there. My mom would laugh, and say no, even though she knew the answer was yes. SO when she finally told us, my sister was in disbelief at first that she knew it, but then felt proud and happy that a baby was on the way. She is the youngest and was excited to finally be a big sister. So when we had to break the news to her that the baby was no longer coming and that he/she was “like Grandpa”, she was devastated. She, as did the rest of us, cried as if there was a hole in her heart. The whole family stayed home that day, except for me. My mom was on bedrest, my step dad stayed home to comfort her and my little sister, who stayed home from school. I remember how glossy my eyes were for the whole day, until someone asked me if my mom was pregnant and I completely lost it. She heard from her little brother, who was in the same class as my sister. I realized that if it was this hard for me to be in school being asked about it, it would be even harder for my sister. My parents warned the teacher and let her address it with the class how she felt was best. What if the baby was born healthy? They would've had an accepting home, plenty of happy family and friends, and a beautiful heart. But not all beginnings end happily. I am strong because of this, and am glad that my parents were able to be strong as well. We are healing, healthily, and I am beyond grateful for the family I have, had, and will have.
ReplyDeleteI had a hard time thinking about what I should write about. I could write about my parents divorce, a friend's death, or how football has shaped me. These things have shaped me to be who I am today. But, I have to think about when I was younger. My mom tells me stories about how she was so sure that my sister was going to be a boy. Then she was accidently told that she was having a girl. I laugh everytime I hear this story. What if Riley was born a boy. My life would be so different than it is. I wouldn't have anyone to share clothes with. I know there are would be so many differences in my life. I never really started thinking about this until Hannah was talking about one of her family stories, that was very similar. I can't imagine not having a sister. I probably would be treated a lot different than I am right now. I may not have as much pressure to do my best, and I definitely wouldn't get in trouble as much. I am told I have to be the best I can be, and am treated like a B is a bad grade. I can imagine my mom being ok if I got a B if I had a brother. I would like to think I am wrong about that, but it would probably be true. I also wouldn't be playing football, because I would have a brother that would play. Those two thing would change me completely. I wouldn't care about anything, and not be as confident as I am today. ( I´m not as confident as I would like to be, though.) Besides those two things, I probably wouldn't have sheep, or be as involved in 4-H. I can't see my mom or dad pushing for me to do anything that I didn't want to do, if I didn't want to. They have pushed me to do so many things, but if they thought I didn't want to do it, they probably wouldn't make me. I probably would be a cheerleader, just like my mom was. And no offense to any cheerleaders, I don't like the sport. I´m not that peppy person all the time. I get grumpy, and don't want to cheer sometime. I would be a totally different person, without my sister. She has allowed me to become the person I am today, because she had pushed me. Also, I have to be the role model, so I strive to do my best no matter what, so she can do the same. I just hope she doesn't see this, or show it to my mom, when she takes this class. My mom would probably get mad.
ReplyDeleteI think that my biggest “what if” moment in my life was my decision to move to Fair Haven with my dad and leave my life-long home of Hartford. This decision changed who I am today for the better although I faced some hard decisions and consequences due to this decision that I made. I had to leave behind my mother, sister, and brother, now almost 2 hours away with the monthly visit. I think that worst of all I had to leave my brother who I had grown up with my entire life. We were best friends, who were rarely separated despite the brotherly fighting. Moving to Fair Haven ment the loss of the constant presence of my best friend and my biggest supporter, my mother. No one I know has ever cared for me like my mother has, she has always been there for every game, appointment, and encounter in my life. She is my biggest support system and I know that no one will ever compare to her love for me. If I hadn’t moved, my life would have been the same, nothing would have changed; I would be content with my life. I’m happy with my choice to move, I have met my amazing friends, gotten closer with my other brother, sister, and father, and established a new life in which I’m more than just content. I’m excited to live my life and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m not afraid to be myself, enjoy the things I wasn’t able to in Hartford, and express myself in ways I never thought possible. I would have missed this amazing experience that changed my life forever.
ReplyDeleteMy most important "what if" moment would be what if I never overdosed over the summer? I was going through so many emotions at the time. Anger, sadness, guilt, jealousy. I couldn't take it anymore. I grab my anti-depressants and ibuprofen. I took the rest of my anti-depressants, along with half of the ibuprofen. I didn't even think about it. It was completely impulsive of me to do something like that... I ended up having to stay at the hospital and have my stomach pumped over the summer. I almost risked having to have a liver transplant because of the tylonal poisoning. I really regret my decision. Yet, at the same time, I don't. If I didn't overdose, I probably would still be harming myself now. After the hospital, I went to a Hospital Diversion Program. They help people who go through depression and social anxiety. If I hadn't overdosed, I wouldn't have gone there, and learn positive coping skills. This really changed my life. For better, or worse... I honestly don't know. But what I do know, is that if I never told my mother that I did, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be having an amazing life, knowing that people really do care. Knowing that I SHOULD care about what happens to me. I never want to go through that experience again. Or any other negative experience for that matter... But now, I can cope in positive ways, without cutting, or burning or anything. I truly am happy that I'm still here. I really am.
ReplyDeleteMy most significant “What If” moment has happened very recently and is a daily question in the back of my mind. What if I hadn’t moved from California to Vermont for my senior year of high school? The move was possibly the biggest decision of my life so far, and it tooks weeks of consideration to make a final decision. My mom had me create a pros and cons list to help organize my thoughts. I had to admit to myself that every con had a pro that would outweigh it. I had to look at the situation objectively in order to realize the logic without the weight of emotion that overwhelmed me to think I’d be leaving my closest friends. I’ll always remember having a conversation on the couch with my “twin”, one of my best friends Emily, and begging her to help me figure it out. We talked for hours about what I’d be able to do in both situations, and she wanted to move with me. She’s in college, so she would be able to go to Vermont for at least the year to support me. In the end, we managed to excite one another about the idea.
ReplyDeleteNow that I’m in Vermont I have a greater opportunity to grow. I can have a shorter day of school here, only taking the credits I need, which California was not going to allow me to do. There is a greater variety of classes here that interested me for the elective credits I need. Moving here for a long period of time gave me the chance to buy the horse I completely love. I bought Dale in the first half of summer and have been able to take better care of him by doing so. I can ride him whenever I want for no charge, and I can make any health choices without having to consult his previous owner, Sue. I’ve wanted to have a horse of my own since I was approximately six years old, so this is a dream come true. With the chance I have to take him to college with me to the University of Findlay in Ohio, I need him to be ready as much as I need to be ready. This year gives me the proper time to work with him and get both of us as in shape and prepared as possible. Having only a summer, especially if he was in the shape he was at the beginning of this summer, would not have given me enough time to feel prepared. It takes time and work to get a horse to lose weight and gain muscle, just like humans. This is the first time I’ll be able to work with him for an entire year and I’m beyond excited to see what we’ll be capable of.
This all being said, there was a lot I had to leave behind. I’ve developed amazing friendships through the years that I wouldn’t trade for anything and that I truly believe will stay strong even in college and past then. So taking myself away from those friends was not only saddening, but it made me feel guilty. I have two friends especially, Ashley and Sophia, that I feel need me. I feel like I’m their friend to lean on and talk to and go to if they need an escape. My mom was another parent to them, particularly Sophia. They both had their various situations that stressed them out, and I could help them work through it. Due to this, I had a sense of crippling guilt in the back of my mind when I spent my last few days in California with them. I worried they would close off or break down without me. I’ve made sure to text them and call when I find time between being at the barn or doing homework, but I wonder if they would have been happier overall if I stayed. Would Ashley be less concerned about her grades and what to do after high school? Would Sophia have another home to escape to whenever she wanted?
I was having so much fun with my friends in California, going on adventures or just laughing during a sleepover. What if I had stayed? Would I be happier to go to school? Would I feel less lonely when I go home in the evenings? Would I be more independent from my mom, who’s the only person I hang out with out of school? I know it all sounds sad, but the barn and the ability to do what I love makes it worth it. I’ll visit California when I can, and some of my friends plan to fly out to visit here. The year will fly by (it already is), so I’ll make the most of it.
My biggest what if moment is what if my parents never got divorced. My parents have been together for over 20 years before they got divorced. They got divorced around 2013. It was not a happy time for me or my parents. They did not split up on good terms. Even today they still are not talking to each other. They got divorced Because they were not getting along for many years. Apparently they just had enough. When they got divorced my mother moved out of the house. My dad still lived in the house for a while. Both my mother and my father found other people soon after the divorce. Then we lived in the house for a little while longer with my dad and his new girlfriend. Eventually we moved out and had to sell the house. My mother got an apartment and my father moved in with his girlfriend. My parents would occasionally argue, but it is better now. This divorce changed me and my family in many ways. I met new people because of the divorce. Most of the people I met are nice. I am also a stronger person because of it. I have learned to deal with hard situations. This was probably the hardest situation of my life. What if my parents never got divorced? I do not know exactly what would happen. I would still be living in my old house. That was the best house I have ever lived in. I would have rather lived in that house than the two I live in now. I would also not know as many people as I do now. I would not know my step brother or step mother. I would also not know my step father. My life would be completely different without them. I do not know if it would be a good change or not. I would also not have the friends I have today. Many of my friends I did not know until my parents got divorced. They were friends with my step brother and they eventually became my friends. My life would have been a lot happier if they did not get divorced. Even though I like the new people I met, I would rather have my family back together. My personality is also different. I have dealt with tough situations. It has made me stronger. Do I think it was a good change, yes and no. My parents are a lot happier after they got divorced. They seem to be happier with who they are with. I do not think that it would have been possible for them to stay together. My parents are happier but I would be happier if they were together. But that is not possible. This changed my life forever. It made me who I am today. Overall it changed my life for the good.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if..” moment would probably have to be when my parents got divorced. Now I don’t really think about this or well I don’t think I have ever thought about this in depth because it happened when I was so young. I was in first or second grade when they sat me down and told me so I don’t have that many memories of my parents actually being together as a whole family but what I do know is that my life would be so different if this had never happened. After the divorce, my mom had kept the house and my dad moved out. I would switch from my dad’s to my mom's every week or so. Then it got to the point where my mom had to sell the house because she wasn’t afford it being the only one paying the bills therefore we moved out to when I was 8 into a smaller house in which she could afford and that had changed me. With my dad being moved out and me living with him periodically, that has made me create new experiences and meeting new people along the way like my step mom and step sisters. So yeah, overall I’d say that this has changed me and that if this didn’t happen, my life would be very different today.
ReplyDeleteMy what if moment is what if I never got into riding horses. I wonder if I would play sports. My freshmen year I was thinking about playing field hockey. But the more I thought about it I thought it would not be fair to LadyBug (horse). I think that it would not be fair to her because I put all of my time into her and if I played field hockey I think it would hurt her because I would not see her that often. I wonder if I would have more of a social life too. I rarely hang out with my friends because of horseback riding. I do have friends that ride horses too so I see them often. If I did not get into riding horses I would have never met my best friend. She has been there for me and she supports me and I do the same for her. But my friends from school I never see them. I only see them in school. I could not go to the homecoming dance because I had a horse related event I went too. I wonder if I would have any knee issues. In fourth grade I was carrying my saddle down the stairs at my house and I slipped and fell. I went to the hospital and I had to get sixteen stitches and I tore my growth plate in my knee. I had to wear a cast on my leg for half a year. After the growth plate was healed I did physical therapy for four years and my knee still is not back to normal. Honestly, I think riding horses helped gain some strength back in my knee. I also wonder how I would escape mentally from things too. I get stressed out very easily so riding helps me relax and take one step at a time. Horseback riding has also helped me with my personality and emotions. Horse’s personalities are reflected off yours and same goes for their emotions. So if I am in a bad mood LadyBug will be in a bad mood and then I get in a worse mood because of it but then I realized that being in a bad mood will not help the issue so I start to relax and she will relax too. I think it is amazing how horses can sense how you feel. Before I got LadyBug I had a horse named Jet. I got Jet as a four year old and I started working with him so he can be my barrel horse. He was a really good horse. He was coming along very nicely. Then one day he snapped. I could not even catch him without him trying to kick me. When I rode him he would be fine then all of a sudden he would start bucking or rearing. I had my riding instructor work with him and it only got worse. It was getting to the point where I could get seriously hurt or he could kill me. It was like being in an abusive relationship. I did not like what he was doing and how he treated me but I loved him. I had him tested for everything to see if there was something wrong and there was nothing. When my parents told me I had to get rid of him I instantly started to cry. I cried for at least a week straight. My riding instructor wanted me to go look at horses with her so I went. She wanted me to get another horse to help me get my mind off of Jet. The first horse I saw was tiny and very under weight. She was very nervous but when I started to pet her and talk to her she became calm and relaxed. I decided to ride her. She did not know a lot but I know I could work with her. She was the one for me. Before I even leaved to go home I had a name for her and that name was LadyBug. LadyBug helped me get over Jet. She taught me so much about what it takes to become a horse trainer. She also taught me so much about myself that I had no clue about. What if I never got into horses. I wonder if I would play sports. I probably would have played sports. I wonder if I would have met my best friend. I bet I would not have. I wonder if I would have knee issues. I do not think I would have knee issues. I wonder how I would escape my stress. I have no clue how I would. I wonder if I would know so much about myself. I also wonder if I would hang out with my friends more. I probably would. What if I never got into horses? My life would not even be the same. I think I would be a totally different person. But I am so happy I got into horses. I would never trade horseback riding for anything in the world. It has made me who I am today.
ReplyDeleteJade Sleeper-McQuilkin-
ReplyDeleteI’ve never really thought about any “what if” moments before because I don’t enjoying thinking like that. My view on it is what's done is done, you don't get any redos in life so there isn’t a reason to dwell on the past or what you can't change. Thinking about it now I guess my biggest “what if” moment would be, “What if my Mother didn’t have me at such a young age?”. My mom had me at 19 years old, and she can still be a little immature at times. When I was younger she was not very mature or responsible. She is definitely more mature and responsible now a days but I feel like she really regrets having me so young sometimes. She did not get to live her life at all, she has been stuck parenting me since a few months after turning 19. Sometimes she complains that she has not been able to travel much or go to concerts or just explore the world like younger people normally did. I guess where I am going with this is, what if she were able to do all of that before having me. Would her personality be different? Would her attitude be different? Would the way she parents even be different? I could have even of turned out different if she had a little more experience in life. It is really strange thinking about that, if she had just had me a few years later in life would both her and I not be the same person? Coincidentally this relates to what we have been talking about in class, about whether or not our personalities, the way we behave, who we are; Being the result of genes or created through our environment. If it is due to environment I could be a completely different person right now. Would I be a better person? Would I have made the same choices as I did with this path? One thing I am really passionate about is veganism, kind of scary to think that I might not of found this lifestyle if I hadn’t of been born when I did. It is intriguing how this one question can lead to so many others, but none of them can be answered. Exploring this “what if” moment was definitely more fun than I expected, or even wanted it to be but I am glad I did.
My most significant what if moment is what if my parents didn’t get divorced. At the time, I was heartbroken, but now I can see how much better it is that it happened. I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without them getting divorced. I have encouragement from all sorts of people that I wouldn’t have had if they hadn’t gotten divorced. I wouldn’t have met my stepdad, step brothers, or probably a good amount of my friends. My stepdad has helped me through so much as well as my step brothers. I’ve always wanted a big brother, and even though I don’t see Taylor most of the time, I know he’ll always be there for me. If my parents hadn’t divorced, I wouldn’t be as independent. I wouldn’t know where to go with my life. Because of the opportunities my stepdad has given me, I know exactly where I want to go and what I want to do. I think of all the different paths I could have taken if they stayed together. How different would I be if they were still together? Would we still be living in the same house? Or would we get a new one? I’m glad I have ended up where I am today, it has brought me a whole new view on life. I know things I will and won’t do when I have my own family, because of my parents. All of them. As much as I wanted my parents together at the time, I’m glad it ended up this way. Another what if moment is what if we hadn’t won the championship game. How would the school be different? How would my life be different? How would the town be different? I don’t know the answer to those questions, and I won’t, but I know it gave me the drive to want it even more next year.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest “what if” moment in my life would have to be what if my parents never got a divorce, would I still be the person that i am today? Would I have meet the friends i have today? How would I have grown up differently. Honestly if my parents never got a divorce i definitely wouldn’t have anything that i have today, all the friends that i’ve come to know and love in Fair Haven i wouldn’t have meet them and i probably wouldn’t have the nice things i have today. It would’ve taken me a lot longer to get the computer that i have today, I don't think i would've learned how to build computers as well as i can today. Im very thankful for what i have today and i wouldn't want it any other way, especially the friends I have. I would be the person that i am today if i didn't know the friends that i have today, I don't think i’d ever come out of my shell especially being around the two people who always bullied me. In more ways than one my life would be completely different from what i have now but i think that the divorce was a good thing that happend in my life, not to say that i wanted my parents to separate but the way it changed my life was for the better, i’ve meet a lot of people going to Fair Haven that have changed my life for the better and i wouldn’t want to have in any other way. I can’t imagine my life without the decisions that have happend in my life.
ReplyDeleteI would have to say my biggest what if moment was when my mom told me she had a miscarriage. When she first told me I didn’t think much of it because I was too young, but now I can think of all the things that could have happened if my mom had that baby. If she did have that baby I could have had a 20 year old sister. Also I could have had just a 20 year old sister and no old brother so that would have changed everything. If I didn’t have a brother I would have had to deal with everything that comes with having a sister like sharing the bathroom and having her complain that it is too dirty, or have to deal with all her drama at school. Also if my mom had that child I could have not been born. It is weird to think about if I wasn’t born and what life would be like for my family. All the moments and memories I have shared with everyone I know would have never happened. All of their lives could have turned out way different than what they are now. It is also weird to think what my sister could have accomplished. She would be 20 now and 21 in November so she could have been in college or working a really cool job half way across the country. I wonder what she could have been like. What sports would she have played, what would her favorite color be, what would be her biggest fear, etc. Just hate not knowing, It’s just one big What if.
ReplyDeleteMy mind is always thinking of “what if” moments. My scariest “ what if” is , What if I was an only child? If i was an only child then who would i have spent the past 16 years with? Would i be more or less social? Would I have as many great memories as i do now? What if…? Without my brother i have no idea where i would be today. I would have never had a better friend to spend my life with. I would have never had someone to play games with or cause trouble with it would have been so boring. Without a sibling growing up how would i have stayed occupied or gotten through all the rough patches in life. I wouldn't of had anyone to vent to or tell my struggles and secrets too. It's weird to think that i could have been an only child and not had the opportunity to have someone so dear to my heart to grow up with. I wouldn't of had anyone to yell at or anyone to hug when i was sad. It’s amazing how much fighting and struggling you can do but just when you think if you grew up without this person it would bring so much pain to your heart. It’s just hard to know what my life would be like without this big part of it in my life. I just sit here and think… What if i was an only child…?
ReplyDeleteA lot of times in my life I have questioned myself "What if" Some things were really dumb to question but others werent. Such as what if I cleaned my room and the house my mom will let me go to a friends house. Or what if I skip taking my medicine tonight so i can just go to sleep. Asking what if can be good like cleaning to go somewhere. But it can be bad when you skip a dose you just wanna sleep. What if i tried swinging off the rope swing at the lake? What if I Painted my nails and did some yard work at the same time. Swinging might be bad if its shallow water but it could be fun. Painting your nails then after doing yard work is bad because it defeats the purpose of painting them. Everyone has moments in their lives filled with "what if". Some more than others.
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ReplyDeleteMy biggest “what if” question would be: what if I got the opportunity to meet my dad’s parents? Would I feel as if I was more of the family? Would my cousin’s and I get along better if we could all bond over my grandparents and our memories? Out of my 6 cousins I am the youngest, and I am the only grandchild my dad’s parents never got the opportunity to meet. At family gatherings we always talk about memories my aunts, uncles, and cousins shared with my grandparents, even if my cousins were only one year old or older, they still have memories that people talk about that involve my grandparents. I wonder if I got the opportunity to meet them, if I would have memories of them, and if they would have a influence on my life and how I am as a person today. I wonder if we would have pictures together, and if then I would feel close to my cousins, if we would bond over talking about our times with our grandparents, or if they would even be willing to have all the cousins over at once. I Also wonder if they were still here, if my family would be the way it is now. If my aunts and uncles would get into silly arguments with each other, or if my aunt and uncle would be getting a divorce? Would my grandparents help work everything out, or if they would have fully supported the divorce? I wonder if I would be talked about to their friends when they would go to dinner, and if they would be proud of the person I am today. Would my life have been different with two sets of grandparents? I have always called my mom’s parents “grammie and Papa” but if I had grown up with my other grandparents in my life, would they have different titles? Or would I call my mom’s parents different titles? Which set of grandparents would I have spent more time with and would both sets of my grandparents have gotten along? We spend thanksgiving and easter at my grandparents, and they come to our house for christmas, so if my other grandparents were involved in my life, what holidays would I have spent with each set of grandparents? At family dinner, where would I be seated? Because once you had a seat at the table, you sat in that seat at every family dinner. Would I be seated next to my grandparents? Or my cousins? Would I had to of sat next to my sister? When I was young, I didn’t realize that I was suppose to have two sets of grandparents, I was used to only having one, and I couldn’t figure out why other kids had more than one set of grandparents. Growing up not physically or emotionally knowing my grandparents on my dad’s side was sometimes difficult people would be having a conversation with my dad and would say things such as “ you must miss your grandparents terribly, they were wonderful people” and I never had much to say because I never got the chance to meet them.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest what if question is what if my parents hadn’t stayed so close in distance when they separated. When I was only seven, my mom and dad decided to separate. My dad stayed at the house we were living in and my mom moved to first street. I always think about what would have happened if my mom had moved to another town or even another state. Would I still live in Fair Haven or would I live in another place? Would I live with my dad or my mom? Would my mom have met my step dad? I could ask so many questions about the what ifs of this circumstance, but thankfully, my parents live very close and I see both of them on a regular schedule. I also think that my parents living close makes it so I’m able to see my grandparents on my mom’s side and my grandma on my dad’s side. I think about this question a lot, but I won’t have to experience this unlike other kids in my situation.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest “What if…” would be if I never moved to Castleton with my new step-dad, would I still be the same person to this day? I was only 7 and going to a new school was really tough for me. I was going through a lot at that time. I feel like I would be a whole different person if my parents never got divorced and I never moved out of Rutland. I moved to 4 different houses in rutland and I still wonder what would have happened if my step-dad never came into our lives to help us. I always wondered who would be my friends if I were still living in rutland and if I would be going to the school i’m going to this day. What if I didn’t even move to Castleton? How would life in Rutland be for me? Would I still be moving around to different houses? It’s crazy to think about that. What if I didn’t get my dog sierriah who passed away a couple years ago? Would I ever have gotten my dog Korah? One small change can change your whole future and that’s crazy to think about. ‘ grateful to have my family, friends, and pets to this day.
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